The Philosophies of Chewing Gum

An essay from beginning of summer. More for content then current relevance. Such deep topics. :)

My Piece of Gum
I will begin by describing my surroundings. More as an exercise to get my own thoughts flowing as opposed to providing any real benefit to the piece. It's a drab office, complete with standard white walls (textured to provide some minimal visual stimulation), desk of the wrap-around sort, three black file cabinets, a table surrounded by three chairs, bookcase, computer and an abnormally large calendar which threatens to schedule my life from now until next July with frighteningly aggressive efficiency. I am sure that the light colors of the carpet were intended to have a soft, calming effect on agitated office dwellers, but years of use and neglect have turned it into a minor eyesore. I sit in this office which is not my own, slumping in someone else's chair, which provides far too much lumbar support to be comfortable, typing a nonsensical message on a stranger's computer. Life is good.

Perhaps one of the most important accessories of both the social and work conscious professional is the stick of gum. I am currently chewing on a full stick of Wrigley's Winterfresh gum, color blue. Two hours have passed as I absentmindedly chew, nibble, mash, and blow bubbles with this marvelous creation. I know nothing about the origin of gum, how it is made, or the history of its consumption by the human race. I suppose I should delve into details and attempt to produce some fact or humorous tidbit that would make this post worthwhile. Sorry to disappoint, though I am happy to submit my own theories on this sticky subject. Gum was rationed during my younger years, banned from school as I came of age, and is eternally surrounded by rules which seem determined to hinder my enjoyment of gum as much as possible. Until about the age of ten, the amount of gum I was allowed to enjoy at one time was limited to one-half of a standard stick of Carefree Sugarless Gum. Needless to say, half a stick of gum hardly met my needs, sugarless gum no less! Thinking I had found a loophole in the law, I simply took multiple one-half segments, generally spaced at five minute intervals, thus satiating my cravings with a clear conscience. Certaintly one of the most well known rules governing gum usage is that old sobscenity familiar to so many youngsters the world over: "Chew with your mouth closed." It is not that I disagree with the essence of the rule. By all means, good manners should be observed whenever possible and convenient. It's just that I never found a way to operate my jaw correctly on the hideously large amount of gum I required and be able to keep my mouth closed at the same time. Naturally, sacrifices had to be made and I was branded as a rude child early on. Finally, I view gum as something of a symbol of rebellion to be relished by young people. I believe the majority of schools do not allow their students to chew gum in class. This, one of the last bastions of childhood, so cruely ripped from the grasp of the next generation. Chewing gum becomes one more way to stick it to the man, while freshening breath and destroying tooth enamel. So go ahead, friends. Chew your gum loudly and with reckless abandon, stick it to the man as you carelessly toss your used Wrigley's on a sidewalk where someone is sure to step on it. Indulge and blow a bubble of delicious Bazooka in English class, and as you have the odacity to munch on a stick of Carefree during a visit to the dentist, remind him with a smile that it's sugarless! O, and always remember--I like gum.