Nemo Appreciates Big Paper and Won't Crash!

Tis the season to be thankful. How cliche. I remember when I was a youngster (never really was in the "small" category) and I would be at kindergarten or Sunday school and the teacher would sit us in a little circle. Naturally, I revelled in the thought that we were playing duck-duck-goose, a chance to exhibit my clumsy "running" and "coordination" on a stage. My hopes were soon to be dashed as teacher had each of us, one by one, say what we are thankful for this year. The first couple of kids had to think really hard. Their eyes would light up as they proudly said, "Mommy and Daddy" or "My house" or "My dog." Inevitably, after a couple kids everyone just re-worded what the first two kids said so we could get back to duck-duck-goose.

I think that appreciation more fits the bill this year. Sure, I'm thankful-but I want to appreciate that which I am thankful for. To look around me at the people I love and want to love them even more. To get a 4.0 because I have the opportunity to...attend....university...ok, maybe i'm not that hardcore. :) Anyway, appreciate. Look back and be thankful, but look up and appreciate. Show it, tell it, do it, be it. So. Three cheers for Trevor, Galen, Steve, William, Kristi, Alyssa, Christine, Collin, Becky, Kevin, Crystal, Amanda and everyone else who inspires me.

Comedy of the day: I spent the last week and a half procastinating writing my final english paper. Spent the last 72 hours doing nothing but said english paper. I made it. I actually did. Thing must weigh ten pounds, but I got 'er done! That said, I arrived at class to find a sign tacked to the door informing me class was canceled. Matt's not sure what to think of that...

Movie of the night: Finding Nemo. Had a fabulous time assigning the fish 'real people' personalities. I got Bloat the puffer fish. Can't imagine why. Collin was Dori. I still laugh every time that yellow guy yells, "Bubbles!" in the fishtank. Sigh, laughter. Can't do it enough. Tip of the day: do not visit a dentist in australia. period.

Tomorrow: cross-state drive home! here's hopin we don't crash!

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming,
Just keep swimming, swimming,
what do we do-
we swim
swim
swim

Complacency. Indifference. Quite possibly two of the worst attitudes on this planet. Unlike being rebellious or mean, they hide their true nature and give a sense of: "I'm doing okay. Maybe not as good as I could or should, but hey. It could be worse."

Moral of the story? I find myself adrift in Complacency and wallowing in Indifference. Funny thing is I barely know it. I'm drowning myself by not caring and, almost appropriately, I don't really care. The realization of my attitude comes and goes as God patiently confronts me and steps aside as I hurriedly push my way past. But tonite as I read the blogs of three young women at the edge of their limits, either angry at themselves, friends, or God-He confronts me again.

Ah, the state of being busy. Tests, essays, research papers, persuasive papers, labs, friends, movies, music, cars, games, food, sports, sleep, showers, and a thousand other things I think of before God. Always pushing just beyond the next activity, the next day, the next week. I've said it a million times, I have run out of comparisons, examples, and metaphors. I have not the power to do it on my own because I fail. Circular reasoning perhaps? I am weak, but He is strong.

Jesus loves me this I know,
For the Bible tell me so,
Little ones to Him belong.
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so.

I am not happy and have forgotten what fulfillment You bring. But I remember Your promise to Your children. My promises are frail and foolish, but Your promise stands forever. I want to walk with You, to speak Your words. Thank you for Your faithfulness to bring me back to You. Thank you for letting me fail so I can see how I screw up. Take this life again, as I give it back to You. I should never have taken it for myself. Thank you, Father.

This can't wait.

I Knew It

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One Morning...

Yesterday was crappy. Well, a lot of things seem crappy at 5ish in the morning, but yesterday definitely had its downfalls. Yet, as He loves to do, God managed to make a day of shambles into a splendid work of art.

My morning class was good in its own boring, useless way until I remembered that I had forgotten about a lab appointment. No problem, just rescheduled weightlifting until the evening and spent the morning in the computer lab. I was tired all day, so spent the next couple hours half-asleep. At one, I made my way to my afternoon class and had one of the more bizarre sociology sessions in recent memory. Gender menders-hmmmm. The exercise had potential, but seemed that everyone used it to ask each other graphic, sexually charged questions that benefited no one. And guys wonder why we have such a bad reputation...

Next order of business was to drive to Fairchild Air Force Base to collect the film from my kidney ultrasound in September for today's CT scan. Forty minute drive-of course, arrove 5 minutes after the hospital closed. Are hospitals allowed to close at 4.30? seriously. As I began the journey home, I felt the tell-tale signs of a breakdown deep within my car, and i managed to get to a gas station and dump chemicals which promised to help my situation into my fuel tank. I limped home and made the 'mistake' of stopping at Safeway for milk, got back in my car, turned the key-nothing. No dice, the car would not start. I sweet-talked her, promised her premium-still nothing. After 15 minutes of begging, pleading, yelling, and cranking I sat back in the dark parking lot and pulled my Bible from the backseat. I spent the next little while reading 1 Corinithians out loud and having a good conversation with God about the house situation, school, friends, even blogging. After awhile, I observed and thanked God for killing my car to force me to have a time-out with Him. I finished by thanking Him for how He was going to fix my car, turned the key, and started up like a dream. Yesterday: Inconvenient, frustrating, and extremely fulfilling.

Keane (music): good
Mail: better
Friends: I LOVE YOU!!!!

Pay Attention

Pay attention. Pay attention. Man who is weary, man who is weak. Pay attention. Allow me to carry this burden. Give me your tears that hurt more each day they remain uncried. Pay attention. This morning, the sun rose with rain, but even a million falling, sparkling jewels did not speak to you. Pay attention.

Today I went to the doctor, but, more importantly, yesterday I watched Tuesdays with Morrie. Morrie is a man dieing of Lou Gehrig's disease. He loves life, and is full of aphorisms such as "You learn how to live once you learn how to die," "We must love-or die," "Forgive. Forgive all before it's too late." He absolutely loved life. Death is merely a tool to learn, an experience which should only increase my zeal for life and intensify my love. So while my health is a nonstop guessing game, I am not worried. Sure the quacks may have to move to more invasive procedures, sure today he used the word "cancer." But I am not worried. Because even in those times when I don't pay attention to Him, even then-perhaps especially then-I cling to the promise that He is in total control and cares about me so much.

I have a friend named Collin, and today I realized how much I appreciate him. Collin lives just down the hall, to the right and then to the left again. He's funny, wacky, usually happy and today he brought me a burger from Red Robin. Collin makes me laugh, attacks me for my Wheat Thins, and spends evenings talking with me. He sings Disney songs on roadtrips, is a master dancer, and a horserider. He is obnoxious. He parties. He is blunt. He is loud. Just when I think that the day is over and I can settle down, he appears and turns it all upside down. So thank you, Collin. And his name isn't Collin, it's Robert.

On a final note, today is election day. Looks like Bush might win. My personal feeling on this parallels Galen's: Merry Christmas.