Complacency. Indifference. Quite possibly two of the worst attitudes on this planet. Unlike being rebellious or mean, they hide their true nature and give a sense of: "I'm doing okay. Maybe not as good as I could or should, but hey. It could be worse."

Moral of the story? I find myself adrift in Complacency and wallowing in Indifference. Funny thing is I barely know it. I'm drowning myself by not caring and, almost appropriately, I don't really care. The realization of my attitude comes and goes as God patiently confronts me and steps aside as I hurriedly push my way past. But tonite as I read the blogs of three young women at the edge of their limits, either angry at themselves, friends, or God-He confronts me again.

Ah, the state of being busy. Tests, essays, research papers, persuasive papers, labs, friends, movies, music, cars, games, food, sports, sleep, showers, and a thousand other things I think of before God. Always pushing just beyond the next activity, the next day, the next week. I've said it a million times, I have run out of comparisons, examples, and metaphors. I have not the power to do it on my own because I fail. Circular reasoning perhaps? I am weak, but He is strong.

Jesus loves me this I know,
For the Bible tell me so,
Little ones to Him belong.
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so.

I am not happy and have forgotten what fulfillment You bring. But I remember Your promise to Your children. My promises are frail and foolish, but Your promise stands forever. I want to walk with You, to speak Your words. Thank you for Your faithfulness to bring me back to You. Thank you for letting me fail so I can see how I screw up. Take this life again, as I give it back to You. I should never have taken it for myself. Thank you, Father.

This can't wait.