This isn't funny. And yet it sort of kind of is. Stop playing games, embrace who you are and be it. Don't do it. Be it.

Family, friends, gathered strangers-it is officially cold. A high today of 28, 25 tomorrow and white stuff to fall soon. It needs to snow. The stuff on the ground is obviously old and has taken on a dirty, half-genuine quality that needs cleaning. I wrote my first "2005" on a school paper today, my way of officially ringing in the new year. Not one for resolutions, but everyone has times in their life when they sit down and realize they don't like what they are doing, or who they've become and decide to take a deep breath and plunge into an effort to change. More often then not, efforts turn into failure and discouragement replaces motivation. Slumping back into what they hate, everone waits for the next first of January when they will try again. Amazing isn't it? Our weakness is right there in front of us. Smacking our foreheads every February that what we do for ourselves, or what we do for other people-coming from us-is a mess. Give it up. GIVE IT UP!!! If only I could hear myself. If only I could truly believe myself. So don't believe me. Believe, listen to Him.

Beginning of the quarter looks promising. American government is taught be a cell-phone hating prof who hates late people and wears turtlenecks. Creative Writing is brilliant. Teacher dresses shabbily, smokes cigarettes, laughs a lot and uses words like "swimmingly." He hates school and hates spending money-I think i've found a genius. As for Math....o math...This is how first day went. I walked in and took my seat in the small auditorium expecting a class like my other first days had been: introduction, reading of names, correction of pronunciation on names, tedious reading of syllabus, questions on syllabus, listening to the same questions on syllabus over and over again, class dismissed. But no such luck here. A simple, "the syllabus speaks for itself" was offered before she took a deeeeep breath and began speaking in chipmunk-style speed, hands flying over the chalkboard, "real numbers integers rational numbers irrational numbers complex numbers infinity number line i can't believe they're making you learn this already homework whole numbers..." I took notes furiously, my head swimming and muttering to myself thatthis was why I hated math. I just keep thinking of my bright spot...creative writing which I enjoy 'swimmingly.'

In other news, the dorm floor is in upheaval. The two main groups have split into one core group with a million orbiting people that the core pretends to like but wishes would go away. It is ridiculous and bordering on cruel. I will allow that there are annoyances and real problems that need dealt with, but isn't the solution to deal with them? Endlessly complaining about it really only blows everything even more out of proportion and just cultivates the bad feelings already rampant.

I've managed to make it this far without partaking in food from the PUB. I fear that I'll have to give in tomorrow, but congratulate me on three days cafeteria-free. Colin beat me three games in raquetball today. The new glove isn't magically making me better. Drat.

Does anyone feel like crying? Sometimes i do....